Motivation and my driving force.

I wanted to write about what motivates me, maybe it can help others. After an Anthony Robbins seminar 11 years ago i was introduced to a new way of thinking. He calls it finding the power within. If you can motivate yourself using strong negative forces. Then you will get a lot of benefits.

If someone messages me a happy message i will reply. But if someone sends us something bad, we will go out of our way and put so much effort into finding them or at least hurting them. I find this negative energy is very powerful when redirected.

When i was 19 or 20 I suffered from depression badly. I went to see a Dr and he said i am depressed and i need to take seroxat. Ssri. Thats the worst thing someone depressed can hear cuz you can often accept that its an illness and you can be excused for many things. You can fail comfortably knowing you can blame failure on depression.

What the Dr should say, is get the fuck out of the office, man up and make changes. After around 2 years of feeling sorry for myself and praying for the tablets to fix me. I decided to take action. In my opinion depression is not curable in most cases unless its a temp imbalance, its something that is deep seated and you need to maintain yourself to keep it away. Just like obesity and anything else in life. You get exactly what you put in eventually.

I found out that i was depressed because i wasn’t making progression, everyone’s perception of progression varies. I was still training to be an electrician and some would say thats progression, its also an OK job i am not going to diss electricians. But deep down i knew i needed more, the only way to fight depression was to keep progressing.

For me progress is change, it might not always be successful change but the change and trying something is progress. Providing i’m not flat-lining or staying in the same place. This is the reason i move house so often, i run away from any depression. But please understand i am not depressed or asking for help. I keep it at bay by moving forward.

Every goal i work towards buys me happiness, every move i make, every improvement i do, even learning helps but the ultimate weapon is expanding business. Getting a new bar buys me at least a few weeks of happiness, its not even about the money. Alot of people mistakenly think successful business guys are driven by money, yes its a factor but often its ego, the need to be in control, to start solutions to problems or in my case to run from depression. This is pretty much an illness but it drives me so hard, i am always doing things, travelling keeps me happy, training and seeing results makes me happy. This constant loom of depression that could attack me, helps kick my ass and lights a fire under my ass.

I am sure other people that suffer from depression can find solutions, but i think they need to accept its a job for life to keep it at bay. Also i know many people are motivated by ego, yes i am honest enough to admit i do love the attention and that drive for attention has ultimately took me to the path i have reached today. I don’t want to be worshiped etc, i want to be the guy that inspires people or comes to for help. I love helping people more than most things, so being needed rewards me for my attention seeking. We get motivated by women in various ways, especially in Asia where more money means more attention. I don’t need to explain that.

We all get angry about things, whenever someone with a rival business has pissed me off, or someone attacking me. I often fight back by increasing sales in various ways. I even donate to charity when someone has pissed me off badly. Makes me feel good i am contributing to society. This power of anger or jealously is so powerful, if people can unleash that and redirect it into positive things, they will find there life gets better faster. I’ve told a few people to send me insults if they need my attention. I get so many messages that i don’t reply sometimes, but if someone writes nasty shit then they get my full attention.

Some people will read my post and say money/success doesn’t guarantee happiness. (money buys freedom which is a big help, but most guys lose there freedom because they don’t want time off work, few get a good balance.) But the key for me here is not having loads f money, i don’t care too much about that. Its making money or being successful that is progression, so they are both medicine for my illness. (I don’t consider i am depressed or ill but its easier to explain how i feel it all works. Everyone will have a different opinion, some will look for excuses but that can often be why they are depressed. People get told them are depressed for reasons out of there control, but like most things in life have a work around.

I realised i cant holiday for more than 5 days without feeling like I’ve flat lined. I have to keep moving, driving somewhere is progress, any travel is.. i feel like the guy on the movie “catch me if you can”. Even sitting in bars for no reason (apart from seeing friends/customers ) often kills me mentally, so i move on. Every time i see a friend of mine i always have news of another bar/project or some business deal.

I am due a house move very soon, that will make me happy for many months, a new car or mortgage buys me weeks of happiness. I try to calm down and try to enjoy moments and how fortunate I’ve been. I want to be satisfied with what i have… but that’s never gonna be possible. In some ways its sad but in other ways its made me very motivated. Even when i cant train (and make progress) i set myself hard subjects to learn or master. Once i see that i am learning, i am very happy again.

I had to write this on my phone and its probably gonna bore most people. But at least i have been honest and open. And maybe some guys will understand me more. Its also important not to let greed to motivate you.

I go through phases of doing stuff to maximum effort then i change, but the older i’m getting the longer these phases are and the more i repeat them. For example i go through phases of studying Thai heavily, then next phase i’m working on fitness, if i make more progress in one area, i will push that more. I’ve also found what moments i enjoy the most and i do my best to get into those moments again as much as i can. (Before it gets old) But that requires effort.

One of my friends once said “where do these people¬†find the time to get depressed” its so true. If you keep busy you wont be depressed but on the other hand being busy is making progress!

Memory lane can be very useful sometimes if you are reliving good memories but it can also be bad if you suddenly feel you are back to where you was before. (Even if your not) If i had to work 9-5 pm again in a normal job, I wouldn’t be able to cope. In-fact i was that uncomfortable with a normal life, i forced myself to find ways of not working boring jobs or for someone else. Its easy to stay in the comfort zone but that is also where my depression likes to hang out!

Its past my bed time and i will check/improve this tomorrow. Its 1.36 am and most are out drinking. I’m sat here cheering myself up writing to inspire and planning things. A few hours ago i was sat in a bar (because I’m seeing friends) unhappy and bored because i wasn’t making progress.